On a brighter note.....

I want to say on a brighter note, we did survive the tragedy of losing our son. We will never forget, but we did move forward. I started to think about getting pregnant again. I actually become a bit obsessed with it. It took many months for my body to get back to normal, but eventually we decided to start trying.

Actually, I think the first month I had possibly been pregnant. I had a really faint line on the pregnancy test and went to the doctor. He did an ultrasound and said all he saw was a lot of blood flow through the uterus, but it could be still early. They sent me for a blood test, but the levels were at like 4. The next day my home pregnancy test came back negative. It might have been a very early miscarriage or just didn't take.

Now my cycles were really out of whack still and I wanted that cleared up NOW. I had something like 45 day cycles, so I asked for Clomid and the doctor agreed. Probably a big mistake for me. On the one hand it got my cycles regular, but I wasn't getting pregnant. I decided to start the process of looking into fertility treatments. The doctor did an ultrasound of my uterus and ovaries and told me that my lining was super thin, caused from the Clomid. I decided the next month that I was going to stop taking it, but still I didn't get pregnant.

So they ran some test. Some of you might know of the dreaded FSH levels. Mine came back at an elevated level of 16. I started researching this day and night. I got books from the library and read a million articles on line. This FSH thing is hard to decipher. They say it doesn't mean you can't get pregnant, but that you wouldn't be accepted as a candidate for IVF.

Now if there was ever a last resort it was going to have to be IVF, but that supposedly wasn't even an option at that point. I was starting to get really depressed.


Till Next Time,